A Year Without Autumn by Liz Kessler

Author:Liz Kessler [Kessler, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Candlewick Press
Published: 2011-09-16T04:00:00+00:00

“There you are!”

I’m just coming out the front of Autumn’s building as Mom runs over to me. I took the stairs because I want to stay here, two years ahead. I have to know what’s going to happen.

“Come on,” Mom says.

“Come on what?”

“We’re leaving. I’ve been looking for you.”

“Where are we going?”

Mom sighs. “The dairy farm, Jenni. Craig’s in the condo with Thea. I said I’d only be two minutes. Let’s get going.” She smiles. “I can’t wait to see Thea’s face when she sees all that ice cream!”

We’re outside the first-floor condo that was Autumn’s last year. Is she still there? What’s changed? I’m desperate to find out. And I’m desperate to read Mrs. Smith’s letter, too. It feels as if it’s burning a hole in my pocket, but I can’t read it with Mom and Craig around.

“Do I have to go?” I ask.

Mom’s face falls completely flat. “I thought you liked doing these things. And I thought you liked being with me.”

“I do. Of course I do. It’s just I really need to see Autumn.”

Mom sighs again. “Oh, Jenni. Can’t you leave Autumn to her own devices for one morning? I know it’s awful of me to say but . . .”

“But what?”

“Well, I know how much she relies on you — but just this once, can’t you let them get on with things and spend some time with us? Especially with Autumn being so unpredictable at the moment. You’ve said it’s been hard lately.”

“I have?”

“Well, not in so many words. But I can see that’s how you feel. You never come home from her house smiling like you used to.” Mom’s face colors instantly. “I mean — not that I’d expect you to. I’m sorry. I just sometimes wish we could have a bit of the old Jenni back.”

You and me both, Mom!

“She’s my best friend,” I say.

“I know. Just — well, sometimes it seems like you’re acting out of some kind of . . .” Her voice trails away.

“Some kind of what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s not for me to say. I’ve been bad enough myself. I’m only just starting to get my own act together, you know, now that your dad and I —” She breaks off and walks away, heading back toward our block. “Come on, let’s get going,” she says.

I catch up to her. “No, tell me,” I say.

Mom stops and turns to me. “OK, I’ll say it. Guilt. Like you can never do enough for her, always trying to fix things, make her life better. I mean, I understand — of course I do — but sometimes I can’t help wondering if it’s holding you back from moving on with your own life. It’s as though you won’t let yourself be happy again until Autumn is.” Mom reaches for my hand. “And I don’t know if that’s going to happen for a long time,” she adds softly.

I don’t know what to say. All I can think is — so nothing’s changed.

“Come on. Let’s go,” Mom says, still holding my hand as we head back to the condo.

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